Update on the Potluck

My friend, Lori, reminded me of the perfect Potluck story that I wish I had remembered at the time of the original post.

We used to get together quite a bit in Phoenix and share food, drinks, kids, pools, and great times.  One of our friends who shall remain nameless to protect her grossness, used to make a great cornbread salad and was making it one night for a get together.  As she was stirring, she realized she had lost a fingernail somewhere in the cooking process.  "Oh well," she said.  OMG.  SHE DIDN'T EVEN PRETEND TO LOOK FOR IT.  This is why it is never ok to eat the potluck even with your closest friends.  Lori and I politely passed on the salad that night.  EEEWWWWWW. 

I had another friend who had just started to date this guy and invited him over for a home cooked meal.  He was eating his salad, when he took something out of his mouth and said, "Um, I think this belongs to you."  It was her PURPLE polished fingernail.  They ended up getting married so I guess he wasn't totally freaked out.  A good test though.  If you're not sure about a guy, put your purple polished fingernail in his salad and see how he reacts.  You just might have a keeper.

Overheard in the Charlotte Airport (or maybe it was the Providence Airport or Springfield Airport or Detroit Airport)

Woman: Would you like something to eat?

Man: No

Woman: Are you sure.  I will go get in line.  I can get something for you while I'm there.

Man: I told you that I don't want anything to eat.  Now, go stand in line if you want but I'm not eating.

(said simultaneously)

Me: What an asshole.

Robert:  Did you hear her nagging at him?

This is that whole Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars or some such nonsense.  I'm sure that woman was just trying to be nice to get his lazy ass something to eat as she's probably had to do for the past 30 years.  I'm also sure that he was totally unaware that he probably had a 5 hour flight ahead and won't get so much as a peanut on the flight.  If I were betting, I would guess that she probably stopped at the airport shop and bought him a snack in case he gets hungry.  Oh, to have a wife.  I could put up with a little nagging to make sure someone always had snacks for me on the plane.  Since having children, my selective hearing is fine tuned so I think I'm all set.  MAIL ORDER BRIDE: Looking for someone to cook, clean, run household, bear and raise children, do handyman work, be creative, bake the office potluck, and bring in half of the household income.  Not to mention "wifely duties."  Geez, how do they get away with it?

The office potluck - Ew

If you are like me, you loathe the office potluck.  You have no idea how clean these people are or if they spit in the food before they bring it because they hate everyone in the office.  You can't tell but if you think about it too long, you can make your mouth water like you're going to puke.  Robert is a HUGE germaphobe and this stuff makes him crazy.  I have some of my baking treats left and asked him if people were going to be in the office today so I could send them with him. My training starts when I get back and I don't want anything left in the house. Oh yeah, that's when he mentions they are having a pot luck today.  Now Robert fancies himself quite the cook, so I'm sure these people are expecting some delicious Italian dish made with homemade meatballs, etc.  I said when were you planning on telling me?  Before or after you started to head to the garage.  He was just going to throw someone a $20 and have them get a pizza.  Don't you hate guys like that?  They bring the plastic cups while you go home after a 14 hour day and still manage to whip up a delicious dish to share.  Lucky for him, I have my 50% success baking items ready to go.  Here was the final tray.  Not bad for 15 minutes notice.

What looks like cheese is actually lemon squares, plus toffee, cranberry bread, and chocolate dipped pretzels.  I could tell you I always have this much stuff lying around ready for an office potluck at a moment's notice, but I'd be lying.  I promise I didn't spit in anything, and that annoying nose drip seems to be clearing up, thanks for asking. 

 

Snow pic from the other day. 

I'm going to be in Missouri starting tomorrow with no Internet access and not near enough red wine.  AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH  Will try to post what I can.  It's usually pretty good material.  If not, Merry Christmas and I hope everyone's holiday is filled with priceless memories that you will carry with you forever.

Christmas Spirit alive and well at Albertsons

I just returned from my daily trip to Albertsons, where I had the most amazing display of Christmas Spirit bestowed upon me.  I was in the Express Lane with 2 people behind me and had started to put my items on the belt when April, the checker, asked if I had under 15 items.  I said that I thought so.  She said, "It is clear to me that you have more than 15 items and you need to go to the next lane."  I'm always somewhat shocked when crap like this happens.  So I gather up my items, wait for the people behind me have to back out so I can get through, and move to the next line.  After waiting for 7 minutes, I unload my items and count how many I have.  Effing 14.  Bitch.  Merry Freakin Christmas.

SNOW DAY!

The kids are out of school today because Las Vegas had a SNOW DAY!  Never mind that we did not have even one flake stick on our side of town.  The last time that Las Vegas had a snow day was 1979.  Crazy!  At our other house in Henderson, there was 6.5 inches. 

Might this be a lesson to those of us who have procrastinated all their final shopping, packing, and various salon appointments until the last minute.  Suddenly, the kids are out of school.  Gasp!  I'm paying Nick to watch Taylor while I go do some of my errands.  She loves it because he plays with her.  Doesn't even matter to her that he's getting paid and part of the deal is that he has to entertain her just like its a real sitting gig.  She just likes to hang with her brother.  Kind of sad. 

Update: We did get to play in the snow on Tuesday and has a snowball fight, snow angel, and requisite tiny snowman.  I'm just a loser and didn't take photos.

Hell has frozen over

Well, it's official.  Hell has frozen over.  It's snowing right here in Sin City.  Not too exciting for those of you who live in the Midwest, North,  East, or Mountain region, but we're pretty excited.  I would take a picture but it might be hard to pick out the flakes.  We all know it won't stick but visions of snowmen are in the eyes of every small child trying to concentrate at school today.  You know, it's funny because we get all excited when it rains, or best yet, snows.  It has only snowed here 3 times in the 5+ years I've lived here and only produced a snowman once.  It was a said, little pathetic creature standing only about 6 inches high, but we made him.  We love it when the weather changes.  NO MORE FREAKIN SUN, PLEASE.  Some of you would probably love a full-on sunny day in the 50's. 

I did some more baking over the weekend.  I'm at about a 50% success rate.  I'm a pretty good cook, but that baking stuff is more scientific.  Case in point.  I was baking some Rosemary Butter Cookies, put them into the oven and then decided that precise moment was a good time to take Nick to the movies.  I was back in 25 minutes but they were black.  I have no instinct when it comes to baking, but I am convinced it must be done alone with no distractions.  My lemon bars tasted good but there is a crack the size of the Grand Canyon running down the middle.  I think my New Year's resolution might be to take a couple of baking classes.

I also have a new triathlon I'm getting ready to train for with a very serious purpose which I will explain later.

Hopefully, I will take a post a photo of my snowman.

Holiday Traditions and Smelly Washers

I have the link to the magazine article that was the reason why my Christmas decorations were up at Halloween.  There might be a bit of creative license involved so don't call me a liar (Vicki).  My memories of family traditions are my memories, and while not completely factual, are mine nonetheless.  If you're bored and enjoy a bit of fiction, the link is Summerlin Magazine.

Now to the important stuff - the smelly washer.  For those of you not keeping up, the front loading washing machines have a very annoying problem of making towels smell mildewy.  So, I tried this product Smelly Washer.  Doesn't work.  I will admit if you put it in with your towels, they smell nice.  Downy does the same thing.  So, I would save your $20.  I took apart the washer as best I could and bleached the thing within an inch of its life.  Works fine until you use it again.   I think I know the problem, though.  The seal is so tight on the front loading machines so the water doesn't leak that it traps all the water in and creates mildew.  EEEEWWWWW  Best solution I can come up with other than buying a top loader is to leave the door open. 

Why I Never Had Pets - Chapter 2

This is the typical, I didn't want the pet, I didn't own the pet, yet I take care of the pet - COMPLETELY.  No one seems to notice if he pukes on the floor, is out of food or water, has snuck out of the house, or has fingernails longer than Howard Hughes.  The latter of which drives me crazy.  I hate to hear his little nails pulling the loops out of my carpet when he walks.  Now, never having owned a pet for more than a month, nail clipping is a little intimidating.  Mostly because there are so many rules.  Don't get close to the quick or they will bleed, blah, blah, blah.  So, I always made Robert do the clipping.  It is, after all, HIS CAT.  Since he's been working 80 hour weeks for the past 2 years, Enzo has been going for a mani/pedi whenever he starts to ruin my carpet.  Since I've been consulting unemployed, we are all cutting back.  The cat's nail appointment was the first to go.  Enter getting sucked into TV ads.

PediPaws.  I know you've all seen it and WANT IT BAD.  It's one of those things that makes perfect sense like the EpiLady.  Remember how in 1986 we all thought this was a great invention?  The electric spring metal coils swirling around to grab onto the hair and rip it out by the root.  One by one.  Oh, I can still remember the pain.  My hat is off to anyone who could muster up removing more than a quarter-size area.  For those of us who tried it first on the bikini line, well let's just say it still makes you cross your legs to think of it.  So, PediPaws was on Walgreen's billboard for $19.99 enticing me to come purchase it while I passed every intersection.  In Las Vegas, the city council won't rest until there is a drug store or Applebee's on every corner.  I gave in and bought it.  I figured it was going to save us money in the end, (insert shopping justification here).  The thing is disgusting.  First of all, it smells liked burned hair and there is nail dust flying all around like in the Asian nail salons.  I think he was expecting a sparkle tip or special design.  I followed the directions, but all I did was sharpen them to a fine point.  Now, he really does look like Howard Hughes.  It is like filing them with a rotary sandpaper tool, so it takes forever.  Think of how long it takes to clip your nails as opposed to file your nails.  The cat is pretty tolerant as evidenced by his Halloween costume, but he's not going to sit there for 30 minutes and smell burned hair while I FILE HIS NAILS.  I also know he would be a terrible tipper.  So, I got out the clippers and attempted to clip his nails.  I did so well that I plan to give him a french manicure later tonight.  I'm going to speak in another language while I do it so he won't know if I'm talking about him, but I'm going to smile a lot. 

Help!

We are planning to make Italian food for dinner on Christmas Eve and I could use some help with ideas.  Does anyone have any great recipes for Italian food, ideas for side dishes, salads, etc.?  I have a million cookbooks on the shelf but thought I might try you guys first.

Thanks!

Smelly Washer to the rescue

For the past couple of months, I've been discussing with anyone who would listen and where it was appropriate, the problem with my smelly front-loading washer.  No one I spoke with seemed to have the same problem, and would look at me like I smell my fingers and don't shave my armpits.  My towels were coming out with a certain grossness to them, and no it wasn't because I didn't move them along to the dryer in a timely manner.  It also didn't make my clothes smell, just my towels.  So, I went on the offense.  I ran the cycle with bleach in hot water with nothing in it, and that seemed to fix the problem.  Until you ran your next load of laundry.  The smell was back.  You can leave the door ajar so it dries out completely, but more than once I almost impaled myself running by there with a load of groceries and getting caught by the door.  Also, I am a bit incredulous that I spend that much money on an appliance only to have to rig it not to smell.  The Internet to the rescue.  One of my favorite blogs I read, adbpbt, had an entry on just this problem http://www.abdpbt.com/?p=315.  I guess I'm not crazy after all.  I guess I do shave my armpits. 

The product is called Smelly Washer and I have some on order.  Will let you know the outcome.  Glad none of you have the same problem...