What kind of Facebook user are you?

I read an article yesterday about the different annoying users of Facebook.  The full article is http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/08/20/annoying.facebook.updaters/index.html but I am just going to post his version of the 12 most annoying users here.

Here are 12 of the most annoying types of Facebook users:

The Let-Me-Tell-You-Every-Detail-of-My-Day Bore. "I'm waking up." "I had Wheaties for breakfast." "I'm bored at work." "I'm stuck in traffic." You're kidding! How fascinating! No moment is too mundane for some people to broadcast unsolicited to the world. Just because you have 432 Facebook friends doesn't mean we all want to know when you're waiting for the bus. 

The Self-Promoter. OK, so we've probably all posted at least once about some achievement. And sure, maybe your friends really do want to read the fascinating article you wrote about beet farming. But when almost EVERY update is a link to your blog, your poetry reading, your 10k results or your art show, you sound like a bragger or a self-centered careerist.

The Friend-Padder. The average Facebook user has 120 friends on the site. Schmoozers and social butterflies -- you know, the ones who make lifelong pals on the subway -- might reasonably have 300 or 400. But 1,000 "friends?" Unless you're George Clooney or just won the lottery, no one has that many. That's just showing off.

The Town Crier. "Michael Jackson is dead!!!" You heard it from me first! Me, and the 213,000 other people who all saw it on TMZ. These Matt Drudge wannabes are the reason many of us learn of breaking news not from TV or news sites but from online social networks. In their rush to trumpet the news, these people also spread rumors, half-truths and innuendo. No, Jeff Goldblum did not plunge to his death from a New Zealand cliff.

The TMIer. "Brad is heading to Walgreens to buy something for these pesky hemorrhoids." Boundaries of privacy and decorum don't seem to exist for these too-much-information updaters, who unabashedly offer up details about their sex lives, marital troubles and bodily functions. Thanks for sharing.

The Bad Grammarian. "So sad about Fara Fauset but Im so gladd its friday yippe". Yes, I know the punctuation rules are different in the digital world. And, no, no one likes a spelling-Nazi schoolmarm. But you sound like a moron.

The Sympathy-Baiter. "Barbara is feeling sad today." "Man, am I glad that's over." "Jim could really use some good news about now." Like anglers hunting for fish, these sad sacks cast out their hooks -- baited with vague tales of woe -- in the hopes of landing concerned responses. Genuine bad news is one thing, but these manipulative posts are just pleas for attention.

The Lurker. The Peeping Toms of Facebook, these voyeurs are too cautious, or maybe too lazy, to update their status or write on your wall. But once in a while, you'll be talking to them and they'll mention something you posted, so you know they're on your page, hiding in the shadows. It's just a little creepy.

The Crank. These curmudgeons, like the trolls who spew hate in blog comments, never met something they couldn't complain about. "Carl isn't really that impressed with idiots who don't realize how idiotic they are." [Actual status update.] Keep spreading the love.

The Paparazzo. Ever visit your Facebook page and discover that someone's posted a photo of you from last weekend's party -- a photo you didn't authorize and haven't even seen? You'd really rather not have to explain to your mom why you were leering like a drunken hyena and French-kissing a bottle of Jagermeister.

The Obscurist. "If not now then when?" "You'll see..." "Grist for the mill." "John is, small world." "Dave thought he was immune, but no. No, he is not." [Actual status updates, all.] Sorry, but you're not being mysterious -- just nonsensical.

The Chronic Inviter. "Support my cause. Sign my petition. Play Mafia Wars with me. Which 'Star Trek' character are you? Here are the 'Top 5 cars I have personally owned.' Here are '25 Things About Me.' Here's a drink. What drink are you? We're related! I took the 'What President Are You?' quiz and found out I'm Millard Fillmore! What president are you?"

What type of Facebook user are you?????????????????

Great email I received today - Random Thoughts

*       I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

*       More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

*       Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

*       Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

*       I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

*       The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard.
This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again..

*       Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

*       There is a great need for sarcasm font.

*       I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

*       How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

*       I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

*       I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

*       Was learning cursive really necessary?

*       I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

*       Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

*       How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

*       I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

*       While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it....thanks Mario Kart.

*       MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

*       Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

*       I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

*       Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

*       I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

*       Bad decisions make good stories

*       Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

*       If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

*       Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem....

*       You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

*       Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

*       There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

*       I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

*       "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

*       I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure.. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room.
Will we still be friends after this?'

*       While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA . No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.

*       I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

*       I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

*       I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

*       Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

*       As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

*       Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

*       It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

*       I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

*       Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

*       Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time... every time...

*       It really pi$$es me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

*       I wonder if cops ever get pi$$ed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

*       I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

*       I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with liquor than with "Kay".

*       The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself.  There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat b@st@rd before dinner.

4 years 3 months but may end very soon...

I received an email from Krys today about a conversion with her 4- year-old daughter, Sofia, that took place yesterday.

Sofia:  You're fat, Mom.

Krys:  Whaddya mean?

Sofia:   Just look at yourself.

Now, Krys is not at all overweight.  Never has been.  In fact, she weighs 3 pounds less than she did before she became pregnant with Vanessa.  Krys told Sofia that she had hurt Mommy's feelings. 

Today, when Sofia didn't want to go to the gym this morning, Krys said had to go so she could lose weight.

Sofia:  Yeah, we better go.

 

Another example of why animals eat their young.

Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs

Let me get this straight because I never really thought about it before.  The bird on the Cocoa Puff commercial, Sonny, can't eat the Cocoa Puffs because he will go crazy. If I get it, that's the premise. Only, he always does and goes crazy anyway.  What kind of trouble does he create when he has one of his "episodes?"  He doesn't break stuff, doesn't make a mess, and doesn't seem to screw up any relationships.  I will admit that it is a tad annoying, but isn't it nice to see some people just cut loose occasionally?  Don't you think it's funny when the person you never see drink has one too many?  I mean it's not funny when they make a total ass of themselves, but cutting loose isn't something to be ashamed of.  This damn bird has had to live a lie for the past 40 years.  He's like the closet smoker of breakfast cereals.  You know he's going to eat it and go crazy, so just embrace it and let him.  This ad campaign has been on my entire life, and I just thought it through for the first time today.  Now, if it takes over 40 years of seeing a commercial hundreds, if not thousands of times to get the premise, do you count that a success?  If I bought Cocoa Puffs, it wasn't because of Sonny.  It was only because they were little puffs of chocolatey goodness. 

I say let the bird eat the damn puffs.  Go crazy.

The Honeymoon is over...

The honeymoon phase lasted longer than most.  Almost two years.  Yes, we all know how it was in the beginning.  You get a little spark when you see him. You still are amazed at what he can actually do for you.  He brings you pure joy.  You are proud to have him by your side.  In those two years, there was only one major issue but it was totally my fault.  All was forgiven.  In a new relationship, you tend to be less demanding and more forgiving but all that was unnecessary as he gave you everything you could have wanted and more.  You constantly raved to your friends over the utter perfection and watch as they surreptitiously roll their eyes in unbelieving disgust.  Then it begins.   A few annoying things start to crop up, but you tend to overlook those because of all the other wonderful features.  After two years of bliss, you wonder if it might be time for an upgrade.  Not leaving the family, but just contemplating a newer model. Maybe the younger brother.  So, I took the plunge.  I upgraded my iPhone to the new fancy 3G model.

MY LIFE HAS NEVER BEEN SO MISERABLE (technologically speaking).  I think they do this on purpose.  They suck you in with this great little device, make it to where it would be really hard to live without, and then pull the rug out after you have dropped another couple of hundreds of dollars.  Now, to be fair to the new guy, I'm pretty sure it is the 3G network. I never had an issue with the first gen phone.  This one, OMG.  First of all, I can't get a call when I'm in the house.  So, I'm slowly training people to call the house phone if they think I might be home.  You can see how this is working well.  Basically, my friends and family must be somewhat psychic to talk to me.  If they do call on my iPhone, I can go outside to the top of the pool area, out in the open and not under the tree, and can hear for about 4 minutes.  After that, all bets are off.  You can imagine how much fun this is when it is 110 degrees outside, which it's been for the past month.  The dropped calls are staggering.  I don't remember having this poor of service when I had my bag phone. 

So, not only is the honeymoon over, but the love affair could be over as well.  Is it time to throw in the towel?

The Bactine Mom

I always wanted to be the Bactine mom.  You know the one.  The mom that was always there with the can of Bactine ready and available if you fell off your bike.  Jason, my friend down the street, had the Bactine mom.  She was always there for the neighborhood kids.  She would spray us up and send us back out to play.  It was only a few houses down from mine, but I always preferred the cool, Bactine treatment.  We didn't have anything like that at my house.  We used old home remedies from the 1900's.  It's so weird, isn't it?  No one questions what your parents do to you.  For example, every year I would get strep throat at least once a year.  I would go to my mother with a raging sore throat, and here she would come with the Merthiolate and some long cotton swabs.  I would lay down in front of the sliding glass doors so she could see, and she would swab my throat with Merthiolate.  After a miserable night, she would take me to the doctor the next day for antibiotics.  If your home treatment doesn't EVER work, why do you keep trying it?  The doctor would look in my throat and always comment how red it was.  Well, that could be the dye from the Merthiolate because if you got that stuff anywhere, it was pink forever.  Fast forward for 2009 and what do we now know about Merthiolate?  Here are a few fun facts:

• Merthiolate is a mercury-containing substance
• It was used as a preservative in many different products, including vaccines
• It is very easy to get Merthiolate poisoning.  This occurs:
• When large amounts of the substance are swallowed or come in contact with your skin
• Poisoning may also occur if you are exposed to small amounts of Merthiolate constantly over a long period of time
• The FDA banned the use of Merthiolate in over-the-counter products in the late 1990s, although I'm sure you could still find some in Maxine's medicine cabinet

How in the hell did we all survive?  Our parents were constantly trying to kill us with their crazy home remedies, front seat no seatbelt car riding, back of pickup truck riding, etc. 

When my kids were born, I made sure I had a can of Bactine ready to go when they started to get the inevitable knee scrapes.  Reality set in, and I know I own some, but I can never find it.  My "medicine cabinet" is a series of drawers and cabinets that have all prescriptions, sunscreen, gauze, and all kinds of crap that probably expired 10 years ago.  There are so many locations of all this stuff, there is no way you could ever find what you needed for your particular ailment.  I know I have Bactine, but I don't know where it is.  I have also replaced the Bactine with my favorite, Neosporin, which is my go-to cream.  Oh yes, the Maxine gene again.  I put Neosporin on everything.  Slash a three inch gash in your forehead?  Spread some Neosporin in it.  Athlete's Foot?  You guessed it, Neosporin.  First degree sunburn?  Neosporin.  Insect bites?  Neosporin.  Now, I know that Neosporin doesn't work on all these things, but I can't find the right cream and it makes everyone feel better to smear something on your boo boo.  Someday Taylor will be blogging about her crazy mother and the Neosporin.

I see that ad on TV where the Mom's are all at the playground with their to-go Bactine spinning around on their fingers and feel a sense of guilt.  Where did I go so terribly wrong in my child-rearing?  Why, oh why, couldn't she blog about my obsession with Bactine?  I really did want one.