4 years 3 months but may end very soon...

I received an email from Krys today about a conversion with her 4- year-old daughter, Sofia, that took place yesterday.

Sofia:  You're fat, Mom.

Krys:  Whaddya mean?

Sofia:   Just look at yourself.

Now, Krys is not at all overweight.  Never has been.  In fact, she weighs 3 pounds less than she did before she became pregnant with Vanessa.  Krys told Sofia that she had hurt Mommy's feelings. 

Today, when Sofia didn't want to go to the gym this morning, Krys said had to go so she could lose weight.

Sofia:  Yeah, we better go.

 

Another example of why animals eat their young.

Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs

Let me get this straight because I never really thought about it before.  The bird on the Cocoa Puff commercial, Sonny, can't eat the Cocoa Puffs because he will go crazy. If I get it, that's the premise. Only, he always does and goes crazy anyway.  What kind of trouble does he create when he has one of his "episodes?"  He doesn't break stuff, doesn't make a mess, and doesn't seem to screw up any relationships.  I will admit that it is a tad annoying, but isn't it nice to see some people just cut loose occasionally?  Don't you think it's funny when the person you never see drink has one too many?  I mean it's not funny when they make a total ass of themselves, but cutting loose isn't something to be ashamed of.  This damn bird has had to live a lie for the past 40 years.  He's like the closet smoker of breakfast cereals.  You know he's going to eat it and go crazy, so just embrace it and let him.  This ad campaign has been on my entire life, and I just thought it through for the first time today.  Now, if it takes over 40 years of seeing a commercial hundreds, if not thousands of times to get the premise, do you count that a success?  If I bought Cocoa Puffs, it wasn't because of Sonny.  It was only because they were little puffs of chocolatey goodness. 

I say let the bird eat the damn puffs.  Go crazy.

The Honeymoon is over...

The honeymoon phase lasted longer than most.  Almost two years.  Yes, we all know how it was in the beginning.  You get a little spark when you see him. You still are amazed at what he can actually do for you.  He brings you pure joy.  You are proud to have him by your side.  In those two years, there was only one major issue but it was totally my fault.  All was forgiven.  In a new relationship, you tend to be less demanding and more forgiving but all that was unnecessary as he gave you everything you could have wanted and more.  You constantly raved to your friends over the utter perfection and watch as they surreptitiously roll their eyes in unbelieving disgust.  Then it begins.   A few annoying things start to crop up, but you tend to overlook those because of all the other wonderful features.  After two years of bliss, you wonder if it might be time for an upgrade.  Not leaving the family, but just contemplating a newer model. Maybe the younger brother.  So, I took the plunge.  I upgraded my iPhone to the new fancy 3G model.

MY LIFE HAS NEVER BEEN SO MISERABLE (technologically speaking).  I think they do this on purpose.  They suck you in with this great little device, make it to where it would be really hard to live without, and then pull the rug out after you have dropped another couple of hundreds of dollars.  Now, to be fair to the new guy, I'm pretty sure it is the 3G network. I never had an issue with the first gen phone.  This one, OMG.  First of all, I can't get a call when I'm in the house.  So, I'm slowly training people to call the house phone if they think I might be home.  You can see how this is working well.  Basically, my friends and family must be somewhat psychic to talk to me.  If they do call on my iPhone, I can go outside to the top of the pool area, out in the open and not under the tree, and can hear for about 4 minutes.  After that, all bets are off.  You can imagine how much fun this is when it is 110 degrees outside, which it's been for the past month.  The dropped calls are staggering.  I don't remember having this poor of service when I had my bag phone. 

So, not only is the honeymoon over, but the love affair could be over as well.  Is it time to throw in the towel?

The Bactine Mom

I always wanted to be the Bactine mom.  You know the one.  The mom that was always there with the can of Bactine ready and available if you fell off your bike.  Jason, my friend down the street, had the Bactine mom.  She was always there for the neighborhood kids.  She would spray us up and send us back out to play.  It was only a few houses down from mine, but I always preferred the cool, Bactine treatment.  We didn't have anything like that at my house.  We used old home remedies from the 1900's.  It's so weird, isn't it?  No one questions what your parents do to you.  For example, every year I would get strep throat at least once a year.  I would go to my mother with a raging sore throat, and here she would come with the Merthiolate and some long cotton swabs.  I would lay down in front of the sliding glass doors so she could see, and she would swab my throat with Merthiolate.  After a miserable night, she would take me to the doctor the next day for antibiotics.  If your home treatment doesn't EVER work, why do you keep trying it?  The doctor would look in my throat and always comment how red it was.  Well, that could be the dye from the Merthiolate because if you got that stuff anywhere, it was pink forever.  Fast forward for 2009 and what do we now know about Merthiolate?  Here are a few fun facts:

• Merthiolate is a mercury-containing substance
• It was used as a preservative in many different products, including vaccines
• It is very easy to get Merthiolate poisoning.  This occurs:
• When large amounts of the substance are swallowed or come in contact with your skin
• Poisoning may also occur if you are exposed to small amounts of Merthiolate constantly over a long period of time
• The FDA banned the use of Merthiolate in over-the-counter products in the late 1990s, although I'm sure you could still find some in Maxine's medicine cabinet

How in the hell did we all survive?  Our parents were constantly trying to kill us with their crazy home remedies, front seat no seatbelt car riding, back of pickup truck riding, etc. 

When my kids were born, I made sure I had a can of Bactine ready to go when they started to get the inevitable knee scrapes.  Reality set in, and I know I own some, but I can never find it.  My "medicine cabinet" is a series of drawers and cabinets that have all prescriptions, sunscreen, gauze, and all kinds of crap that probably expired 10 years ago.  There are so many locations of all this stuff, there is no way you could ever find what you needed for your particular ailment.  I know I have Bactine, but I don't know where it is.  I have also replaced the Bactine with my favorite, Neosporin, which is my go-to cream.  Oh yes, the Maxine gene again.  I put Neosporin on everything.  Slash a three inch gash in your forehead?  Spread some Neosporin in it.  Athlete's Foot?  You guessed it, Neosporin.  First degree sunburn?  Neosporin.  Insect bites?  Neosporin.  Now, I know that Neosporin doesn't work on all these things, but I can't find the right cream and it makes everyone feel better to smear something on your boo boo.  Someday Taylor will be blogging about her crazy mother and the Neosporin.

I see that ad on TV where the Mom's are all at the playground with their to-go Bactine spinning around on their fingers and feel a sense of guilt.  Where did I go so terribly wrong in my child-rearing?  Why, oh why, couldn't she blog about my obsession with Bactine?  I really did want one.

Old People are Mean

When my mother was younger, you could honestly say she was one of the nicest people in the world. I'm not saying she was going to fall over herself doing things for you, but she always had a smile on her face (except when I got caught sneaking out) for everyone around her. I was having a conversation with my sister today and she told me that Mom was mean to the lady who did her hair. I was shocked. She was always too proper and too concerned with what other people thought to make anyone mad at her or be rude to people. Now she doesn't give a shit who she offends and what she says. Of course, my first thought was about myself. Can you imagine what a raging bitch I will be at that age? I'm not near as nice as she was.

It's a Disgrace

I receive a daily gaming report that mostly talks about the investment arm of gaming.  It tells how the stocks are doing, any major stories, etc.  You know, an industry newsletter.  I read it faithfully.  Never know what you might learn.  It's usually really boring, but I came across something yesterday that really ticked me off.  Please keep in mind that Nevada was probably the hardest hit state by the recession.  Our property values are down 40 to 80%, which explains why we have the highest foreclosure rate in the country.  Our unemployment is still on the rise and is over 12%.  Everywhere you look, you see buildings that are half-built or abandoned.  It's not good. 

Enter the government and how we can always count on them to help.  The following is an excerpt from the Fantini Report, the gaming industry newsletter:

Newspapers seemed to have gaming on the brain in the last 24 hours.   The Wall Street Journal published a story on how the U.S. government may be saying they are not doing anything to hurt areas like Las Vegas but their actions are speaking a lot louder than their words.  The WSJ said that big agencies like the U.S. Dept. of Agriculture are being encouraged to host meetings in places like St. Louis, Milwaukee and Denver, rather than Las Vegas, Reno or Orlando.   The article discussed how a conference planner for MGM Mirage’s New York – New York Hotel & Casino tried to book a conference with the FBU but was sent an e-mail saying the Dept. of Justice decided conferences are not to be held in cities that are vacation destinations/spa/resort/gambling.   Las Vegas and Orlando were the two specifically listed as no-no’s.  The Dept. of Justice told the WSJ that they have guidance that says avoid locations and accommodations that give the appearance of being lavish or are resort destinations.   The U.S. Travel Association showed the irony of all this because locations on the black list are known for having the most hotel rooms and conference space and often offer the best deals on meetings and conferences.   The Association said they believe the agencies are worried about scrutiny and in order to avoid criticism from the media, they are spending more money.   When are they going to start getting media criticism for that or for the fact that their actions are resulting in lost jobs.  Has everyone forgotten the White House Chief of Staff statement that “government travel is not focused on specific destinations but on cost and efficiency?”   The people at the top will point fingers at individual agencies such as the Agriculture Dept. who said the guidelines for meetings include:  a travel hub; low cost; and a non-resort location.

Nice.  In typical government fashion it makes total sense.  Let's spend more money so that no one talks bad about us.  Let's put our money in cities with 9.8% unemployment (Milwaukee), instead of cities with over 12%.  Oh, and for all you convention goers this year, have fun in the Midwest while you think about what you are missing in Vegas.

Ok, I'm trying

I know I have been absent for awhile. There has been a lot going on. Lots of travel, sick family members, wedding showers, etc. I'm going to try to get back to writing.

We are going to start out with more triathlon training (yeaahhhh). I've just started training again for a triathlon in October. Somehow, since the last one I've managed to gain 10 pounds so that stops here. I wish I was at the weight I was when I was complaining I was fat. I'm working with the same coaches as before so that will be good. I'm going to try and log what I do everyday and hopefully that will spark a few stories.

Today I swam 3500 meters. Hmmm, no story.

My coaches suggested getting a new scale. I hate them for that. They suggested one of those fancy numbers that tell you percentage of body fat, metabolic age, and a bunch of other stuff I can't figure out because I can't get past the percentage of body fat. WHOA MAMMA! Have you ever been on one of those bastards? What kind of sick person came up with this tool? I'm guessing someone with 10% body fat. Now, I'm not giving out numbers but let's suffice it to say that it isn't pleasant. Also, probably not great for someone obsessed by their weight. If you lose a pound, then you can gain a pound of body fat. The whole thing is exhausting. I know it's not completely accurate, but yikes. Time to put down the fork, sister. It's just so hard when there is so much yummy food around. Bev set me up with a delicious meal over the weekend and some beautiful tomatoes which cried out for bacon. Of course, I had to oblige. It was my first bacon and tomato sandwich of the year. Based on today's scale numbers, it will also be the last. The few little jewels that came home with me on the airplane, will be eaten sans bacon. Dammit. Why does bacon have to be so tasty?

British scientists have pinpointed the exact chemical reaction that makes bacon so tasty. The Maillard reaction, which occurs between an amino acid and a reducing sugar when heated, releases the smells and flavors that make people salivate. Your mouth is watering now, isn't it?

In my many trips this month, I read the Spirit magazine on the Southwest flights. There was actually a drink made with bacon. Bacon flavored vodka and the garnish was a little piece of tightly wound bacon resembling a straw. Oh, you wrinkle your nose but you know you want to try it. In fact, everywhere I turn there are more and more ways to use bacon. America is in a sort of bacon explosion, and I can only applaud the expansion. I'm not, however, applauding the expansion of my waistline but to be fair to bacon, I don't think it is entirely to blame. I have recently seen bacon-flavored coffee. Now, we could get our entire breakfast from our coffee. If you had someone who had pancake flavored coffee, you could switch off and have a great breakfast - all with very few calories. For dessert, there is chocolate covered bacon. Mmmmmmm. Right when all the great bacon recipes are emerging, I have to watch my bacon input. It's so unfair.

Wake up, America. Embrace the Bacon Explosion. To fully enjoy it, I don't suggest buying one of those stupid scales.