Biking to 41

My birthday was yesterday and I want to thank everyone who called, emailed, or sent a smoke signal.  Turning 41 is only marginally better than turning 40. 

On Saturday, my friend Tonya and I entered our first bike race.  They don't call it a race, but trust me, these people are competitive.  There was a 25-mile, 50-mile, and 118-mile ride.  We did the sissy ride of 25 miles.  It was our real first group ride so we were a little anxious about falling and causing an ESPN highlight of the week.  We did great, made excellent time, didn't make fools of ourselves, and plan to do the next one for 50 miles.  The night before as Tonya was tucking in her kids, her 10-year-old wished her good luck.  The 8-year-old then said, "I don't know why you keep entering these things.  You never win."  You know, she's right.  We never win. The thing of it is, I don't even think we're getting any better.  Every Sunday we ride off into the sunrise, do our 20-30ish miles in the same time that we did it in February when we started.  If we never win and we don't get any better, why do we do it?  I think it's because we genuinely enjoy it.  It is really the first sport that I really enjoy and not just endure.

Usually, I only like the sport for the outfits.  I mean, is there anything cuter than a tennis outfit?  I have several just hanging in the closet if anyone is interested.  I liked shopping for the clothes more than the sport.  It was also somewhat painful.  You've heard of tennis elbow?  By God, they aren't kidding.  In my 3 month tennis career, I have developed a permanent elbow injury the likes of which do not enjoy picking up a heavy bag of groceries.  After biking, the only thing that hurts is my butt.  I'm using this as an excuse not to lose any of my extra padding back there.  I can't imagine having a skinny little butt with no cushion after 30 miles through the desert.  My biggest complaint other than the butt?  The biking outfits.  Tell me, who looks good in padded spandex?  Who comes up with these outfits?  They are relatively functional but do all those colors really go together?  Are they trying to avoid cars, animals, or the opposite sex?  I don't know if you've priced this ugly stuff, but a good biking shirt can cost $90.  Shouldn't a woman step in at some point and design something attractive?  I know, in sport you're not supposed to be worried about your appearance.  Trust me, you see me in a pair of biking shorts and you would bet money that I don't care how I look when I leave the house.  Of course, nothing is further from the truth.  Maxine instilled a hard and fast rule of "never leaving the house without your face on," which I adhere to most of the time.  Except when I'm biking, and then I guess I'm just having too much fun to care.

Saving a buck in these trying times

While I'm home for the day unemployed consulting, I never turn on the TV.  I know if I turn it on, within 5 minutes, I will be sitting in front of it eating a bag of chips and waiting until 5:00 when I can have a glass of wine.  It's a slippery slope.  I made an exception the other day because I had 8 loads of laundry to fold and iron, or contemplate ironing.  Nothing can slow down the hands of time while folding and ironing in a quiet house by yourself.  I watched Rachael Ray who everyone in my household finds incredibly annoying.  Seeing her face on the front of the Triscuit box sets off intense hating on Rachael Ray at my house, and there might be mutiny if they found out I watched her show.  I find the whole EEOV thing annoying, but there was NO WAY IN HELL I was watching Kathy Lee on the Today Show, and it was too much trouble to flip past the first 5 channels.  I think Kathy Lee could possible be my nemesis.  I can't believe they gave that woman a job again.  She is scary bad.  One of those judgmental, disgusting, obnoxious, critical, disparaging women who give the entire population of women a bad name. I hope they have a special place in hell set aside just for her.  Not a big fan.

Thankfully, Rachael had quite the line up for me.  In addition to having on Olivia Newton-John, who just turned 60 and looks fabulous, she also had a woman who had written a book on shopping and cooking from The 99 Cent Only Store. The book is called The 99 Cent Only Stores Cookbook: Gourmet Recipes at Discount Prices and the entire thing was very interesting.  This woman bought wine at the 99 Cent Only Store, for how much?  Yup, 99 cents.  She does 70 percent of her shopping at the 99 Cent Only Store, including meat and vegetables.  She seemed so convincing that I went yesterday to check it out.  I always giggle when I walk in the door thinking about asking the people who work there, "How much is this?  Or this?  Or that over there?"  It's all 99 cents.  That's funny.  They probably never hear that.

First bit of bad news. The Nevada stores don't carry wine.  It must be our Puritan background or the backlash by the Baptists.  If I knew for sure that it was worth it, I could drive to California to purchase 99 cent wine.  I'm not afraid.  Pam told me about this box wine that she really likes called Black Box Wines.  I remember the Beringer box wine from days of yore.  Problem was you never knew if you were almost out.  This economy has thrown my wine drinking into a state of flux.  You know how it goes.  One minute you're on the Internet shipping 90+ wines from around the world, then you think the screw off cap isn't so bad, then the box wine is taking an exorbitant amount of space in your refrigerator, finally to spiraling into the 99 cent wine.  Circling the wine drain, all in the name of saving a buck while unemployed consulting.

The other disappointing area of the 99 Cent Only Store was the Gourmet Section which this author raved about.  The shelves were empty.  Maybe I went to a crappy one.  I'm going to try it again at another store in a more upscale neighborhood.  To say that the clientele were a little scary at this location is an understatement. 

In the checkout line where they keep all the little sundries that you forgot you needed and can't live without, they had a pregnancy test.  Hmmm.  First of all, it's not usually like you keep a stock on hand.  It seems to be more of an item you purposely set out to buy, so would you think to go to the 99 cent store or would you go to Walgreens?  I'm just saying.  Also, would you trust the 99 cent version?  I remember the "Pee on the Stick" versions seemed really expensive to me.  I bet these make you go out and kill a rabbit and wait for a couple of weeks for the result. 

I'm going to try again today to go to another 99 Cent Only Store, mostly because it's next to the liquor store and I'm out of wine.  As I mentioned, I planned to buy it yesterday for 99 cents.  Stupid Baptists.

2 Apples - Same Creepy Tree

One of my best friends in the universe, Lori, used to throw AWESOME Halloween parties when we both lived in Arizona.  What I remember of them anyway.  Several of those parties will be featured here over the next week, much to some people's chagrin.  Taylor was messing around with a wig over the weekend still trying to decide what she will be for Halloween and took this picture.

It reminded me of a picture I have of her father.  This was from Lori's Saturday Night Live Party where he was Linda Richman from Coffee Talk.  We'll have coffee and talk, no big whup.  I think he really enjoyed it. 

You can see the family resemblance, right?

Martha sucks

I'm going to be writing about Halloween over the next couple of weeks, past and present, because it is one of my favorite holidays.  It is one of the only ones I can stomach since I got divorced and only because I insist that the kids be here.  Unlike Christmas when I spend the entire day crying after they've gone to be with their Dad. I digress. 

In the car, because I am a geek, I listen to quite a bit of the Martha Stewart channel because they talk about cooking, decorating, and girly stuff.  I can only do this when I'm in the car alone.  One day, she has one of her minions making Halloween cupcakes.  I love the cupcake.  Not so much making it, but it is my favorite of the cakes.  I love Halloween and I love the cupcake. I'm on board.  How fun to have Halloween cupcakes.  I go to the Martha Stewart website to look at the cakes in question and decide of the four Creepcakes, I'm going to make the Mummy Cakes.  I decide that I'm making the entire thing from scratch because my husband always gives me a hard time about using box anything.  The cupcakes turn out great and I just briefly look at the Swiss Meringue Buttercream Frosting recipe and notice that it takes 10 egg whites, sugar and butter.  I had the egg whites because I buy them in the big containers because we eat them every day, and have butter and sugar.  I finish the cupcakes and start in on the frosting.  IT TAKES (ARE YOU READY) 8 STICKS OF BUTTER.  THAT'S 2 POUNDS.  THAT'S 4 CUPS.  THAT'S 6,400 CALORIES.  THAT'S 704 GRAMS OF FAT.  The recipe says it makes 28 cupcakes, so that is 228 calories per cupcake and 25 grams of fat BEFORE you add in the cake part, and the sugar in the frosting. THAT'S JUST THE BUTTER PART. That means that I'm not having one.  The Betty Crocker store-bought kind is half the calories and doesn't leave a layer of lard on the roof of your mouth.  I move forward and make the frosting which takes 25-30 minutes.  I get out my decorating tips to use with my baggies but they keep breaking.  Need to wait until tomorrow to get a proper pastry bag, so I put the lard in the refrigerator which the recipe clearly states is acceptable.  Went to the store today and took out the lard out to bring to room temperature where I have to beat it an additional 5 minutes to bring it back to fluffy.  Looks like butter to me.  Can't imagine how this could get fluffy again after the egg whites have broken down.

 

But they did.  Didn't make it any less gross, though.

So, I started decorating my mummy cakes and this is how they turned out.  All 8 of them.  Really cute, but sick.  I just couldn't do it.  I couldn't continue to make my little butter creations.  It was a little more like butter sculpting than cupcake making.

 

I have to go back to the store for the Betty Crocker frosting because this stuff is freaking me out, and I don't want the ruin the rest of the cupcakes.  I guess you need to leave them in the fridge because otherwise, they will melt.  Ew.  Anyone have a good recipe for frosting?  Better than Betty Crocker?  Seriously, what is Martha thinking?  I bet you don't see her popping a stick of butter in her mouth disguised as a cupcake, no matter how cute they are.

Why I never had pets, Chapter 1

I was the last of 5 kids in the house, so by the time I came around, the party was over.  There were no more pets, there was no dance lessons, there was no gymnastics, there was no doing anything that someone hadn't done before.  The family had a dog for 13 years, and that was it.  The dog was long dead by the time I came around, but I got to see pictures. I had the occasional hamster, turtle, wild rabbit, etc. but no dog.  Now, why would the woman allow a wild rabbit that I found in the backyard but not allow other pets?  That rabbit unfortunately jumped ALL the way down the stairs and woke up really stiff the next day.  When I remarried, I came with 2 kids and he came with a cat.  I'm really allergic to cats but we have found a way to coexist over the years.  I have constant nasal problems, runny nose, and watery eyes, and the cat get to put his ass all over my house.  Not having grown up with children and pretty much being left alone for 13 years since Robert worked all the time, Enzo is extremely tolerant.  One of my favorite things to do is dress him up.  He doesn't care for it so much but I LOVE IT!  So, his Halloween costume this year is a Turkey. 

I only had time for the head but Halloween is still a week and a half away.  Fun!

WHERE WAS YOUR KARMA??????????

Thanks for the Karma!

They won last night in a very exciting game which means that they play again Saturday.  So, everyone cancel your plans and resume your positions!